"Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living."
-Anais Nin

03 November 2012

How to Pitch Like a Rock Star


Here are my two pitches for the contest/workshop 'How to Pitch Like a Rock Star' generously hosted by Heather Webb on her blog 'Between the Sheets'.

The three-sentence pitch is for my completed manuscript, The Everett Quartet.

Edmond's girlfriend, Viv, can travel between her parallel universes. When Viv discovers she is happily married to another man in an alternate reality, then meets him in her own, Edmond must battle for her love across worlds where he cannot follow. In another reality, Edmond's and Viv's alter egos struggle to keep their secrets from tearing them apart.

Another version:

Edmond resists the most tempting seductress, his girlfriend Viv’s alter ego from a parallel universe, then meets his ultimate rival, her husband from another reality. Now, he must battle to win her back. In another universe, Edmond's and Viv's alter egos struggle to keep their secrets from tearing them apart. 

I'd appreciate all comments. Please also comment on the other contest entries at How to Pitch Like a Rock Star Contest/Workshop.

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for the comment!

    I like the first one better. I think it brings the story across more vividly than the second one. The second one leaves me wondering what the story is about more than anything. I get the jist of it, but not a good picture. The first one paints a better picture for me.

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  2. I'll stop by in the morning. I'm losing brain power rapidly, but I'd like to help you! Thanks for participating. :)

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  3. Hey, Cat! Sorry about the delay! My inbox is being flooded at the moment. Let's take a look at this pitch! :) First of all, this premise is so freaking cool. It's reminiscent of THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE, yet still different. COOL!

    As for the two pitches, I like the first much better. It's far clearer, as Kel said above. I snipped a bit that wasn't needed and junked up the second sentence below, then made a suggestion for your third. :) Good luck! I love the sound of this!

    Edmond's girlfriend, Viv, can travel between her parallel universes. When Viv discovers she is happily married to another man in an alternate reality, Edmond must battle for her love across worlds where he cannot follow.

    As for the last sentence, it leaves off any mention of the husband and the issue of the universe traveling. I'd like to see you rework it including that twist in the mix.

    Something like:

    As Edmond's and Viv's alter egos struggle to keep their secrets from tearing them apart, Viv's husband XXX, threatening to tear apart XXX.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comments, Heather. The reason I didn't work in the husband in the last sentence is because in that other reality (the third one mentioned in the pitch), the husband is not there (well, he is, but he's never met Viv there), and therefore what comes between Edward's and Viv's alter egos are their secrets rather than another man. I know, it's confusing :-(

      Maybe that last sentence can be changed to:
      In a third reality, Edmond's and Viv's alter egos struggle to keep their secrets from tearing them apart.

      Will work on it a bit more and submit tonight.

      Thanks for this great contest and taking the time to critique my pitch :-)

      Cheers

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